I HIT BURNOUT…
I had known that I was basically running on fumes the last couple years as I pushed myself to keep going above and beyond on everything that I was doing. Of course when you do that it means that you’re going to start failing at most, if not all, those things when you aren’t giving yourself time to rest.
So a couple weeks ago (funny enough, a few days after my last blog post went up) I had a breakdown. I got unbearably sad at the thought of wanting to draw after I was inspired by a book I had just finished moments earlier. It’s only been two weeks since that incident and I am still recovering.
Burnout is just a never ending cycle, a simple vacation isn’t going to fix it. You have to be willing to make a fundamental lifestyle change and find that work-life balance that works for you. I am lucky in that I have an understanding partner and I work at a company that supports you taking care of yourself.
I have realized that I put things aside that I enjoy to focus solely on supporting the companies I work for instead of realizing that I can support my day job while still making time for supporting my own personal projects. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive. I also stopped investing in my friendships with people I care about because I let myself believe that they “understand the hustle” but I should’ve realized I was playing into a thought process that didn’t align with my personal values.
I stopped creating art.
I stopped working on craft projects.
I stopped streaming.
I stopped making videos.
I stopped blogging.
I stopped spending time with friends.
I stopped playing video games.
I stopped reading books.
I realized all of this after taking some time to just mellow out and listen to my inner voice. In that moment of self-reflection I had the “ah-ha” moment that a lot of points where I was feeling a lot of the effects of burnout I was also changing my hair away from purple. I love my hair being purple, its “my” color, and I now know that when I suddenly want to completely change it up that there is something off so I will stop to ask myself “what’s wrong?” —because boy did I get lucky that the black hair dye I used in my hair recently didn’t stick and I was able to get my hair back to its full purple glory.
So where am I headed from this point? Well, I’ve been trying to take it day by day. Focusing on trying to find the simple joys in drawing, reading, playing games, and reaching out to friends. It’s been a slow process and things definitely aren’t going to change overnight. But I know that I have people to lean on during the rough times and that I don’t have to give up my career to do the personal projects that I want to do. Everything can coincide together as long as I remember that I don’t have to take on all the things all the time and to take steps in the size that work for me — not the size that works for everyone else.
Be prepared for world domination in 2019 ;)